It’s happening

Just an ordinary Sunday night. Eric vacuumed the cars outside while the kids played together in the sandbox. Hattie only had a little bit of mud on her head by the time they were done. I was inside, checking on my crock pot meal that gets a C – . Hattie got a bath and dumped water over the edge when she thought I wasn’t looking. She, of course, thought it was hilarious.

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The kids chased each other around and around while scream laughing, and I repeated this sentence at least 3 times, “Hattie, please stop putting things into the trash and do not put pom-poms into your mouth.”

After books, a bottle, and a thousand kisses, Hattie snuggled with me while saying “mama” over and over. And then she screamed as if I’d betrayed her soul when I finally put her in her crib. The screaming lasted 15 seconds and then she was peacefully asleep.

Coby, Eric and I played dominos while eating Oreos. Coby is a rule keeper (like his father) and a milk-aholic (like his mother). Every time he had a domino to play, he’d excitedly say, “oh man, I’ve got a good one” and he kept saying “oh, man! oh, man!” in the most hilarious little man voice. We just kept laughing at his mannerisms and  sayings because it was just.so.funny. coming from a 3 (almost 4) year old whose face is covered in Oreo crumbs, and he was so intensely into the game.

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It’s like he’s a boy now. Not a baby, not a toddler – he’s a climbing trees, skinning knees, catching bugs, making up games, playing rough, all boy, boy. For reals, we actually played an adult game and chatted like old friends tonight. What is going on here?

This is watching your kids grow up, I suppose? Watching change and life from a front row seat? And this feeling of “Oh man, I’m so not in control of any of this” is what has me whispering 30 times a day, “Please Jesus, help me, help me”. These ordinary and insignificant life moments are foundational. Right? And thoughts of “Oh man, I’m totally screwing this up”, pile up in my mind too. The fear, doubt, anxiety – it’s all there. Right next to the love, joy and trust. And the truth is, in spite of my best efforts or colossal failures in parenting, God is the only one with true power to work in hearts and perfectly love. I know this, I preach this to myself, I pray for faith and wisdom, and everything and….. and that’s it.

Trying not to overcomplicate growing up in this complicated world.

(And maybe we did watch Peter Pan today too, and I cried when the lost boys listened to Wendy sing about having a mother.)

Babies will grow up. Parents will watch and pray. Learning life lessons along the way. Oh man.

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